The other day I heard that old country song with the lyrics, “You say it best when you say nothing at all.”
Remember that one?
It’s genuinely a sappy love song – but there’s a lot of truth to its statement.
Have you ever stopped to consider what you are saying – without saying anything at all?
Namely, what are your posture, mannerisms, countenance, and actions communicating to those around you?
Your non-verbal communication profoundly influences how you come across to others.
Some studies indicate that physiology accounts for up to 55% of our communication. So that’s over half of what you’re communicating coming without even saying a word!
Humor me for a moment. Think about the last meeting you were in…
Did anyone sit with their arms crossed?
Did you know that sitting with your arms crossed in front of you can make you appear closed off, defensive or insecure? A person may even appear angry, disgusted, or checked out in this posture.
Was anyone tapping their fingers in the background?
Tapping your fingers can make you appear impatient or nervous.
Did the leader look down as they led the meeting?
Looking down as you speak can make someone appear weak or unconfident.
These are just three examples of the cues we send to others without knowing it.
So how do you “show up” to others?
If you’re looking to improve your nonverbal communication, let me suggest three things:
Seek feedback from others. Feedback is your friend. Feedback isn’t to be feared – for without feedback; we don’t know where we need to grow. Think of someone with your best interest in mind and who can be honest with you. Then, ask them about how you “show up” to them. A great question I sometimes ask is, “What’s it like to be on the other side of me?” And listen with an open mind as they speak. Take note of what they say and suggest. You may be surprised by their insight into how you’re showing up to them.
Record yourself. We live in a marvelous world of technology. Almost every phone I know has video capability and is easy to use. If you lead a meeting, set your phone up and try recording yourself as you lead. Or, find a willing volunteer to have a conversation with and record your interactions with them. I know it may sound cheesy (and watching yourself on camera can be incredibly painful sometimes), but it’s worth seeing how you show up to others in real-time. And remember, feedback is your friend!
Take a course. Phenomenal books and courses are available to improve your communication abilities. In fact, helping leaders improve their communication is one of the reasons why we developed our latest course, “Next Level Leader.” We’ve devoted an entire module to helping people just like you improve their written, verbal, and especially NONVERBAL communication skills. We’d love to tell you more about it.
Understanding some fundamentals of communication will empower you to become a better communicator and a more effective leader.
If leadership is influence, your ability to influence others is directly proportional to your ability to communicate effectively. So improving your ability to communicate is paramount to your success.
What step will you take today to improve your communication?
Learn more about our Next Level Leader course and how you can level up your communication today. Email me at Bill@billcoxcoaching.com
